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Sleep Aides

Sleep Aides

Claire Terry |

- Guest post by Steph

Everyone meet Patricia. She's a retired school teacher from dinosaurville where she spent most of her days teaching while snuggling with the children, because she was so soft and squishy. 

Why does Patricia have a back story? I'm so glad you asked. My son absolutely could not sleep without me. I would spend hours whispering stories to him to try and get him to sleep then, thinking I'd nailed it, try to put him down in the cot and like a shot of lightening coursing through his tiny body, he'd be awake and screaming in lonely, abandoned agony. A friend told me I needed a sleep aide, to wean him off needing me, and onto this other object (for I am just an object also), and I had no idea what she was talking about (or how right she was). 
Anyway, Patricia has a backstory. This came about because once I'd bought her, it takes time for her to steal your scent and try to become you. I'd hold her and my son, and with all my will power, I would force my smell into her stuffing. While this battle of wills and smell-fusing was occuring, I had to whisper my stories. I had to weave a delicate tale of love, affection, caring and intelligence onto this object that was to snuggle my boy to sleep. 
Am I insane? Or am I just exhausted? It could be both.
There are a million types of sleep aides. There could be a million different reasons your bundle of exhausting joy isn't sleeping. But, if you haven't considered trying to replace yourself with a soft toy at night. I'd highly recommend getting a Best Years stuffed animal. But you have to make up your own backstory. There can only be one Patricia. 
Take the object, put it under your shirt, rub it in your armpits if you feel the need, lick it, whatever. Then, start putting it between you and your kid. Once they're asleep, make sure it's touching them. One day, when you hear them stir and you're watching them in black and white via night vision mode on your camera, holding your breath, they will reach for their object, and you will cry. Bottle those tears, that's what you worked hard for. Enjoy the rest of your wine, and go to bed, you beautiful thing. 
*I have used the noun 'aide' for Patricia is my assistant. However, if someone really wants to come at me, yes, I'm not actually insane, I know it's an 'aid', and she's not a real assistant, she's just assistance.... Sort of. 
Get your own version of Patricia here